Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize