So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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