He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
His nipple licking is glorious
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