I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she smelled like a LAN party
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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