My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
