Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
