She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She bit a glass in half.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
