She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bring me that man meat
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
