i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
