Don't make out with my wife yet
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
