Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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