so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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