I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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