i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
