and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
