True but thats because hes a fetus.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
