I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
