Kiss
Puke
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
