Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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