Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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