I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Randomize
