maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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