idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
