"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
