She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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