where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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