You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
