wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
