I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
