That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
