Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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