she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
