I'm going to jail i love you
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
