we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Randomize
