My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
