38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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