we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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