I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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