She went from zero to smokin in five shots
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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