Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
