Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
