gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
