Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
