New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
