Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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