Where did you get a picture of my penis
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
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