You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize