smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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