I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That accounts for only three of the penises
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
