Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
