Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
