just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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