sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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