Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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