I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
