i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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