I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
two words...techno handjob
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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