Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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