Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
