I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
