Kiss
Puke
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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