Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize