My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
