Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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