Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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