I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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