mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
