This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
