Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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