i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
